understanding. For the first time since I lost my hair, I felt I could take my wig off with someone and it wouldn't matter. People never dream of touching your head when you're bald, but John did. It lifted me up, because I'd felt so alone and desperate. It gave me a kind of acceptance that pulled me out of the glue I was in, and made me feel safer. I now have four Mandeville wigs, all of which are completely different lengths. Although I was happy to wear a blonde or red wig when I was younger, now I play it a bit safer and stick to the same colour. But I couldn't function without them. A good, natural-looking wig helps you cope, because to other people you look like yourself, and as nice as you possibly can. It's a great cover-up. It helps with the process of dealing with everything, while not looking like a clown. ‘I have a boyfriend now, though our relationship is still in its early stages. He knew about my hair before we started going
out, but it took a long time for me to take the wig off in front of him. One night, I sat on the bed with a towel around my head. I wanted to take it off, but I couldn't bear him to see me with no hair. Eventually, he said, “Take off the towel,” and everything was fine. But that step was so difficult. As soon as someone sees I've got no hair, I think they'll lose interest. It's such a severe, frightening look. ‘About a year ago, I finally started to face up to the fact that my hair might never grow back. I cried a lot. I remember being in a café with my mother and saying, “I don't know if I want to go on with no hair.” It was an awful thing to say, but I couldn't see a future while I felt that way. Even now, I struggle with it. I'm fine when I've got my wig on, but when I'm washing my face or cleaning my teeth at night without it, I really don't like it. Just last night, I slept with a wig on for the first time, because I wanted to lie in bed with hair around me – it's such
a luxury, feeling hair on your pillow. ‘Recently, my eyelashes and eyebrows have grown back, and a very fine down now covers my scalp. I think, “Please God, let my hair grow back.” My sister Jenny recently visited a psychic who told her that it will happen eventually. I don't know if I believe that, but the good thing is that I'm no longer living in complete panic mode. ‘I feel much, much better about myself now. I never used to be able to look into the future, because it always felt so uncertain. But now I'm 35, and I've realised I want to get married. I want to feel celebrated and feminine, and have a lovely big wedding. I know it's a fairy tale, but it's every girl's dream. And I'll get a new wig.'
For private consultations with Mandeville of London, call 0207 386 5988 or visit the website www.mandeville-wigs.co.uk